On Rich Mullins & Feeling

A Rambling Annual Reflection

Every year on or around September 19, I reflect on the life and death of the Christian musician, Rich Mullins. Rich’s music made such an impact on me in my youth that I would say his ethos is fundamental to who I strive to become. This annual essay is a way to check in on how I see his legacy now 24 years later.

I’ve been thinking about some of Rich’s themes, and I thought I might reflect on his views on death, since they’re similar to the Stoics. I also considered offering some commentary on an odd-ball song in his discography: “Higher Education and the Book of Love.” This song is a great listen if you are curious about the roots of evangelicals’ distrust of the university.

But I dunno. I’ve been recently reminded how goddamn serious I am all the time, and this year, I’m just gonna have some fun. This is not QUITE stream-of-consciousness, and my literary friends will excuse my lack of technique here, but here’s how I feel about Rich this year.

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I have had this line stuck in my ear half the year:

Now that this is all ending
I want to hear some music once again
'Cause it's the finest thing that I have ever found

”Elijah,” Rich Mullins

“Elijah” is probably Rich’s masterpiece. It was on his first album. He’s one of THOSE guys. It’s a reflection on his own death. And so when he says, “Now that this is all ending,” he’s talking about his death. And when he dies, he wants to hear music because it’s the finest thing he’s ever found.

What’s the finest thing you’ve ever found? Think about it. Get down into your belly. Don’t think about it. Turn on the brain you had as a child.

What about the world just fundamentally amazes you? What, if you let yourself do it, could you just do forever?

For Rich, it was music. And don’t get me wrong, music is incredible. It’s exhilerating and sad and boring and so otherworldly. But the universe didn’t come up with it; WE came up with it. Because we needed to move and we needed rhythm and we needed sound to mean something more than just mere language, mere communication. So we shaped sounds to match our feelings. Think about that! Our ancestors just could not get out what they had to get out, so they made sounds to make their feelings speak. I’m breathless just writing these words about it. Music is truly wonderful.

But for me, it’s writing. This stuff never gets old. I mean, look at this thing. I am talking to you, and I don’t even know who you are. You might be my contemporary. You might be someone in the future. I don’t know. You might be my friend. Might be my enemy. Might be my sister (hi sis!). Might be a cousin. Might be in Boston. Might be in Tokyo.

And wherever you are and whenever you are, we’re still having a conversation in your head, right now. I feel like we’re close. You’ve invited me into conversation. Thank you. Do you know what it means to know someone is listening?

Do you know what it means?

And I’m just making shapes on my computer. That’s all. That’s all that’s happening here. But somehow, we’re closer than we were five minutes ago.

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I have spent so much of my life steering and focusing on steering. Gotta go here. Gotta do this. Gotta do that. My eyes haven’t been on the road. My eyes have been on the steering wheel. And, I mean, it’s pretty cool to accomplish things. To steer the wheel the right direction and get your life where you want it to be. That takes skill. That’s an accomplishment. It’s not EASY.

But God, one of my old college roommates was right: life is scenery. Just look at this. You’re alive. You’re reading a blog. Isn’t it incredible? Isn’t it incredible?

What is the finest thing you have ever found? Post in the comments. Tell me how you feel.